Recently, alot of things happened in my life. I did alot of reflection. Havent been chanting for Om mani padme hum for very long time le. Did not do as what i promised. Reason; i plucked out four of my wisdom tooth and alot of homework was given. But i think i still can chant but end up didnt. I also gamble, mr sung, i know i shudnt, but somehow i just did, not because i dont trust you but it just happened. I dont know why. This time, i made a loss, unlike other times, manage to win money.Worst, got caught by teacher while playing cards. I was also being kick out of a competition due to the date crash with my O lvl oral.
Thus,I reflected about life, perspective, people i hate and stuff.
The more i think, the more blank my heart and mind is. The more blank they are, the more confusing and messy it is.
Today, read the guan yin on your blog. Click on a link found in one of the comments. Came across Lord buhdda's former life saying on suffering. And i felt like crying, why?
The feeling is like a shame, a guilt. I suddenly realize alot of things i think is okay in the past, is actually wrong. I am an avid chess player, i tried playing chess online just after this feeling came. Hoping it will calm me down.
But, it did not calm me down like it usually did. This time, i cant focus and i felt like something is stopping me from playing, its like i dont wish to hurt the another player, hoping to lose and instead of winning.
Please advise.
